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Aloha! I am Kara Lynn “Kai” Sanders. I am originally from Heaven. I know I am a daughter of God and am directed by Him to do His work according to His purposes. I am humbled by that realization. Anyone who asks knows I consider myself just a visitor here (to earth) and am just trying to make my way back Home, to my heavenly Home. I was born in Connecticut and lived there for many years before moving to Hawaii. I tell people I was raised in Hawaii because that is where I was “raised” to a new level of knowledge about God, about myself and about the world around me. It is where I started to become a child who would “serve the world.” After four and a half years of tutelage I returned to Connecticut for about six months. I ended up stranded in North Carolina en route to visit a friend in the Georgia prison system. It apparently was where I needed to be because I officially “grew up” to where God needs me to be to do what He needs me to do.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

1 Nephi 2:16-19 - Grieved For and By My Brothers

1 Nephi 2

16 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, being exceedingly young, nevertheless being large in stature, and also having great desires to know of the mysteries of God, wherefore, I did cry unto the Lord; and behold he did visit me, and did soften my heart that I did believe all the words which had been spoken by my father; wherefore, I did not rebel against him like unto my brothers.

17 And I spake unto Sam, making known unto him the things which the Lord had manifested unto me by his Holy Spirit. And it came to pass that he believed in my words.

18 But, behold, Laman and Lemuel would not hearken unto my words; and being grieved because of the hardness of their hearts I cried unto the Lord for them.

19 And it came to pass that the Lord spake unto me, saying: Blessed art thou, Nephi, because of thy faith, for thou hast sought me diligently, with lowliness of heart.

I am grateful that it has been a few days since I've written because that extra time really helped me to understand this journey I'm on and how I'm feeling based on these verses.  I'm grateful for Nephi's honesty because he shares, indirectly, how there was a potential for him to rebel but because of his greater desires to know what his father knew he took his feelings to the Lord.  This was no idle convo either.  What Nephi doesn't tell us, the Lord does!  

This obviously isn't just a spur of the moment decision or one make without thought or preparation.  Nephi was really going deep with the Lord.  The words he uses is "cry unto the Lord".  This is not casual.  I've seen this wording before.  Enos uses forms of the same words "I cried unto Him (Enos 1:4)" after introducing us to his struggle..."wrestle" before the Lord.  This tells us what Nephi doesn't.

He was apparently torn.  What his father had been saying had been so distant previously, but now the words were much closer to home, affecting his person on a deeper level, more personal level than ever before.  Plus having to make the decision to follow the Lord's command and depart into the wilderness OR stay home in Jerusalem, where everything was familiar to him, would shake even the most valiant, fledgling soul.  So he cried unto the Lord.  

But...he did not do this, as I said, in the spur of the moment.  He had been diligently searching before his call to enter the wilderness.  He had been attempting to hearken unto the words of his father and know the true and living God for himself.  So now God was getting up close and far more personal than He'd been before.  This move likely meant to NEVER return to that which was familiar, constantly submitting to the word of God to make your every move.  So it had to be as much of a wrestle for Nephi, at his young age, as it was for Enos, who we suppose to have been far more mature.  Their stories unfold very similarly.  Because Nephi's heart is softened so he could believe...continue to believe all the words of his father.  Once that happens his concern is for his brothers.  

This is my story!

I came to believe in Father's words and His mission for my life as a daughter of Eve and a help meet to "Adam".  For me that means I'm to "help" my brothers "meet" God's expectations for their lives.  Now, I've done what I could, where I could.  Not any of them believe like Sam did.  And that's my challenge.  Most of them are like Laman and Lemuel, their hearts are hard.  They murmur because they don't know the dealings of God.  They don't understand them.  And they don't want to.  They think they already know it all...or know enough.  

I, like Nephi, am grieved.  I just finished fasting for them and me.  The men in my life were a major component of my fast because they won't believe.  Their hearts are softened towards me in some kinda way but not in the most important way and that grieves me.  I'm gonna continue to press forward though.  Their blessings are tied to mine, I know this, so I'm definitely gonna press through.  It's just frustrating at times.  I'm not going to let my brothers stand in the way of my faith, my righteousness or my blessings.  They will catch on one day.  

In the meantime I will continue to be diligent towards God and HIS purposes for my life with a lowliness of heart.  What more can I do but wait for my Sam experience?  And I know they will come...ONLY in God's good time and no sooner.  I'm staying willing in the meantime...willing to endure.  I claim that whole hearted-ly.   I Love my brothers.  Black men are my absolute weakness.  Not that I'm attracted to them sexually or anything like that, only Hassim (blush).  But I have this great Love, this great blessing of seeing them in their highest. I see them as God must have intended them to rise and be.  And as a daughter of Eve I feel a great responsibility to see them rise.  To awake and arise and put on their beautiful garments...  Love my brothers as if they were blood.  Technically I guess they are, being HOI men and me being an HOI woman.  I claim their deliverance and mine as I continue forward in faithfulness.  Thank You Father.  

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. 

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